Take me, or leave me as I am

Picture by Dan Davies at www.ddaviesphotography.com

I'm lying on my bed, listening to Micheal Nyman's 'The heart asks pleasure first' and I'm crying.

Crying? Yes.. I'm sitting here crying and writing and feeling very anxious and sick and tired and overwhelmed.

Why? I don't know.

I'm very lucky in hindsight. I have an amazing family who I love dearly, an awesome boyfriend who loves me and cares for me and I'm very ambitious and thrive for success, so why is it that I'm crying? Is it because Micheal Nyman plays piano so beautifully.. Maybe, but I definitely know that I will cry again.. and for that same feeling.

That anxious feeling where you don't feel like you will ever be truly happy.

You feel that you will never be good enough.

You want it so badly.

You want true happiness. True success. To feel in control.

...and then you stand and stare out in to the sea that washes away those negative thoughts.

You let it take them all away. The weight has been lifted from your shoulders and you stretch out your arms...

 The wind sweeping your hair and the fresh air pouring through your body, cleasing your lungs

and so you can't help but smile, even just a little bit.

You smile because you remember that this beautiful earth is yours.

I can be whoever I want to be, if I want it enough.

But if not

Micheal Nyman will always play beautifully.